The Bar Towel

This be the time of year for lists. Effin’ lists. Seems like a cheap and easy way to create media content. Well, rather than be annoyed as usual, I’m going to lean in. In fact, I’m going all cheap and easy.

What I propose here are my top five utility grade beers for 2022. These are based on three criteria. They need to match one, two or all three of to qualify, with one overarching one that they all be produced in Ontario.
1. Cheap and accessible. Picture yourself in a dive bar or a rural beer store with a limited selection. Will you choose beer or just say screw it and have bar rail vodka soda?
2. Gets out of the way. This is more interesting. This can/should be a great beer, but one that doesn’t announce itself. I guess they have been called lawnmower beers; something you can drink without it calling attention to itself.
3. You will be drinking it cold. Best if you can buy it cold, but most of us are old enough to know how to make it cold.

Sigh. Here we go with my 2022 picks:

#5 – Labatt’s Blue. Remember this? It’s beer, it’s ok.
#4 – Amsterdam Blonde. I was going to go with their Helles, a great beer that also meets criteria, but good old Blonde is cheaper, more widely available and more utility grade. Also, somehow it can last in a half empty keg in any Gabby’s for like six months and not get any worse than when it is fresh. I’m giving it points for bioengineering. Also, it’s ok.
#3 – Laker Lager. Did you know all you need to buy this is ID and some pocket change? Also, it’s ok
#2 – Vodka soda or some trendy hard seltzer. For me, nothing with added sweeteners. Sometimes drinking from the bottom of the barrel means switching barrels. I wish I could have proposed a beer here. Help me out folks…
#1 – Great Lakes Stage 17. If nobody has forced you to try it, maybe you should force yourself.* It only meets criteria number two, but hey, it makes the list.

*I’m going to copyright that phrase.

Great thread!

Here’s a couple I’ll add to the mix:

1. Miller High Life (which is made in Canada here). An enjoyable experience I had recently in Chicago was a “beer and a shot” with High Life and some cheap booze. I’ve often wondered why hipster-y bars never really picked up on this trend of a cheap beer and a cheap shot for a low price. Maybe they can’t afford it, or maybe they don’t want to erode the margins of their other stuff. I saw that Birroteca offered a shot for +$7 on top of one of their beers but that kind of misses the point.

2. Upper Canada Lager & Dark Ale. The older drinkers on the board will remember these guys, what a ride UC has had over the years. A while back Sleeman moved UC to cans and called it “Canada’s first craft beer in a can”. Of course they were ahead of the times and drinkers didn’t respond. My how things have changed. Now UC Lager and Dark are classified as “Value” brands at the Beer Store and back in long neck bottles. What’s more retro craft than one of Ontario’s OG brands now a cheap beer in the standard bottle?

I'll play along, but I'm removing the "produced in Ontario" criteria, because who's stopping me???

In no particular order, here's my top five utility grade beers:
DAB. Hit's all the points: Pretty much any lcbo/tbs has it, it's $2.30/can, and it's pretty darn good, especially when cold.
MGD. Not as cheap or accessible as it used to be, but most dive bars will have bottles and it's one of my fav. lagers from the big boys. Super cold out of the bottle for maximum enjoyment.
Old Style Pilsner. I drink more than I'd like to admit because it's my friends fav beer and he's always giving me one. And when it's "cold" it's not nearly as crappy as when it's not. Still crappy though.
Guinness. Local legion has cans on hand, and thank Christ they do, or I'd have to drink worse things than the previously mentioned beer.
Canuck Pale Ale. It's cheap, it's fairly accessible, it's more interesting than many other beers, tastes great after mowing the lawn, and it's best cold. Is there a better Ontario-made utility craft beer?

I’ll throw in a couple, off the top of my head.

Labbat 50-I don’t mind a 50 here and there when there’s no better option at certain places(honorable mention to Molson Export)
Bellwoods Bellweiser-ever since they’ve put it in the LCBO and grocery stores it’s the one beer I constantly come back to on a weekly basis.
Wellington Arkell best bitter-maybe not readily available for most….but living in Guelph I drink it on a regular basis. Wether picking up from the brewery, on tap at multiple pubs/bars or on cask at The Wooly it delivers every time.
Muskoka Cream Ale-I’ll admit it very rarely drink it these days but whenever I do I’m reminded how great it is, for what it is.
Wellington Helles Yeah-it’s everywhere here in town and it does the job very nicely.

I’ll add to the non Ontario though as well:

Guinness-already mentioned, and needs no explanation really but it’s on my list too.
Czechvar-a delicious Czech Pilsner at a great price.
Fullers London Pride-getting harder and harder to find but it’s my desert island beer.

MatttthewGeorge wrote: ↑Thu Dec 29, 2022 2:13 pm I'll play along, but I'm removing the "produced in Ontario" criteria, because who's stopping me???

Start your own damn thread!

Moderator?

Moderator?

Bueller?

Where's the moderator around here? Do I have to buy this site to get it to run my way or what?

Oh, I guess that's me. Buuuuut.....I also drink dab for all the same reasons. It's pretty much the only thing I drink that fits this thread.

Pilsner Elora and Side launch Northbound are the only other things that come close.

I would have to with Great Lakes Burst. It's a good tasting pale ale at only 4.5%. After that, I'd go with Bitburger; I feel there's quite a few European lagers that would fit the first three criteria and that provide good value. Oh, and Kostritzer Schwarzbier is another fave.

Canuck Pale Ale
Bellweiser
Figo
Marco Polo

Great Lakes Lager. A case of 24 for $50 is hard to beat, it’s good cold, and fits the lawnmower beer requirement.

For non-Ontario, it’s Jever for me - delicious Pilsner that’s relatively cheap.

walz22 wrote: ↑Sat Dec 31, 2022 9:34 pm Great Lakes Lager. A case of 24 for $50 is hard to beat, it’s good cold, and fits the lawnmower beer requirement.

For non-Ontario, it’s Jever for me - delicious Pilsner that’s relatively cheap.

Jever is my go to, almost always in my fridge. I just went with DAB over Jever due to accessibility: I can find DAB anywhere, including my hometown store, whereas I have to order Jever online or go to Waterloo.

walz22 wrote: ↑Sat Dec 31, 2022 9:34 pm Great Lakes Lager. A case of 24 for $50 is hard to beat, it’s good cold, and fits the lawnmower beer requirement.

For non-Ontario, it’s Jever for me - delicious Pilsner that’s relatively cheap.

Absolutely Great Lakes Lager for me, exactly what you said - hard to beat that price - it's cheaper per litre than Cool Beer.

Apart from that, a lot of my utility beers are imports- Jever is a great one. Bitburger, Asahi, DAB Dark, Hacker Pschorr Kellerbier. The latter is one of my favourite price/value beers at $2.60/ 500ml can.

Going back to Ontario I also buy a lot of Old Flame's Hazy Blonde, essentially a local equivalent of the Hacker Pschorr Keller. It's solid, although pricier - $3.50 for 473 ml - but I do try to buy as much Ontario-made beer as possible.

MatttthewGeorge wrote: ↑Tue Jan 03, 2023 8:18 am

walz22 wrote: ↑Sat Dec 31, 2022 9:34 pm Great Lakes Lager. A case of 24 for $50 is hard to beat, it’s good cold, and fits the lawnmower beer requirement.

For non-Ontario, it’s Jever for me - delicious Pilsner that’s relatively cheap.

Jever is my go to, almost always in my fridge. I just went with DAB over Jever due to accessibility: I can find DAB anywhere, including my hometown store, whereas I have to order Jever online or go to Waterloo.

+1 for Jever. The LCBO near me stopped carrying it so I either have to hike over to Union Station or Liberty Village to get it.

MatttthewGeorge wrote: ↑Tue Jan 03, 2023 8:18 am

walz22 wrote: ↑Sat Dec 31, 2022 9:34 pm Great Lakes Lager. A case of 24 for $50 is hard to beat, it’s good cold, and fits the lawnmower beer requirement.

For non-Ontario, it’s Jever for me - delicious Pilsner that’s relatively cheap.

Jever is my go to, almost always in my fridge. I just went with DAB over Jever due to accessibility: I can find DAB anywhere, including my hometown store, whereas I have to order Jever online or go to Waterloo.

I check the date codes and go with what's fresher. Generally that's DAB in Guelph.

In terms of Ontario-made brews, Godspeed makes excellent traditional Czech lagers, both light and dark, that could certainly pass as lawnmower/dad beers. They just happen to be very sophisticated and well-made, with authentically difficult-to-pronounce names.

Third Moon makes a great Czech lager (called Kills). You can also find some nice, unpretentious beers from Willibald, Town, Bellwoods and Sonnen Hill that all fit this bill.

Finally, if you can get your hands on some Barncat, they always have some good pils on the go.